march madness

So, that whole previous post about sailing wound-lessly through the lupron injections, tossing my hair at the idea of side effects, coasting into the stimulation phase with nary a bruise?

Yeah. Might have spoken too soon.

It's still not bad. No bloating, no headaches. My period started after I stopped taking birth control pills, which is a weird sensation: the first time that "I got my period" has not been followed immediately by, "which means I'm not pregnant, AGAIN, damn it."

What I have noticed in the past two days is a significant escalation in my crankiness level. I think we are approaching CRANKINESS WARNING LEVEL: ORANGE, which is pretty bad for me, because I'm normally not a snippy person. Here's how I would break down the Cranky Levels, Homeland Security Style:

Cranky Level: Green
Characterized by internal eye-rolling, wondering at the stupidity and/or thoughtlessness of other people. Highly passive-aggressive. Think Brangelina-fleeing-from-Ryan-Seacrest-at-the-Oscars: not a lot of actual face-to-face conflicts. Just exiting situations quickly.

Cranky Level: Blue
Eye-rolling externalized. Under-breath-mumbling begins. Make eye contact with grocery store clerk about idiocy of woman who takes out her checkbook only after entire, very large, grocery order has been completely scanned. Sigh loudly in public. Head-shaking increases dramatically.

Cranky Level: Yellow
Under-breath mumbling moves out of 'whisper' into 'low but audible sounds' stage. Lots of "come ON, lady," said quietly at grocery store or other shopping alternatives. For the infertile, this stage also increases slightly evil looks at pregnant women in public. Significant increase in yelling at other drivers, though always from safety of own car.

Cranky Level: Orange
Think might actually yell at stupid person who asked, "so, what do you think about the Octo Mom?" yesterday. Feel that, if were celebrity, would be likely to completely destroy hotel room (if could drink, which would also be nice at this stage). Absolutely no patience with stupid drivers. Honk. A LOT. Get super pissed at husband for eating last piece of banana bread BECAUSE I MADE IT THREE DAYS AGO AND I ONLY ATE TWO PIECES OF THE WHOLE DAMN THING, DON'T YOU REALIZE THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON IN THIS HOUSE, YOU ARROGANT BASTARD? Wish for punching bag. Big one. Have to stop self from answering phone with, "WHAT? WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT?" Notice huge increase in all-caps spelling. Definite problem.

Cranky Level: Red.
I don't even want to know what this looks like. Glad we do not own any guns or other weapons (except for good kitchen knives, which should probably be cleared from house at this stage).

So, orange. I'm pretty much at orange. The problem is, I've also been working a lot lately, and a lot of evenings. And that always makes me cranky. It's the time of year in my profession when this is just normal: I do this every year, and I get cranky about it every year, and it passes. So I can't entirely tell if this year's Orange Level is due to the drugs, or is just a normal "I'm glad to have a job and all, but still - I need to GO HOME NOW" reaction. I'm sure it's a combination of both. The good news there: my crazy hours come to a head next week (when the stim drugs start, so that's not so good), and then they go down quite a bit. By the last week of March, work will be much more under control. And that happens to be the week when the transfer is likely to happen, so I'm thankful for that confluence of events.

For now, however, I'm trying hard to breathe deeply, stay out of traffic, avoid making more banana bread, and not answer the phone unless necessary.


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