diary of a mad woman, waiting

Our heroine is waiting for the fertilization report on her five eggs.  She LOOKS like she's at work, going to the grocery store, reading the newspaper, watching television and preparing dinner all as normal.  But really, she's a crazy person.  Let's take a peek inside her head.

6:20am - Wake up.  Ooh, day of fert report!  Ummm, also PIO shot day.  But am unnaturally awake at this early time.  Surely this is a good sign?  Must be a good day.  Yes.

7:45am - Remembering feast of pregnancy and babies on television last night.  Premiere of in the Motherhood, which found not terribly funny but still a distraction.  Also, even Alex Karev on Grey's Anatomy made personal offering into cup, just like husband!  Must be good sign.  And THEN, on rerun of Friends last night, just happened to be episode with pregnant Rachel!  All good signs!  Surely!

8:45am through noon  - Phone is on vibrate at work so as not to disturb coworkers with ring and news from fertility clinic.  Surely will call soon?  They did say afternoon, however.  Must not be impatient.

11:30am - No, it is NOT strange to bring your phone into the bathroom.  But no point, as does not ring anyway.

1:oopm - Arrive home.  Early to leave work.  Nice.  Can now focus on other things.  Will read engrossing and work-related book.  Good use of time.

1:05pm - Hmm.  Have no ability to focus.  Okay, will make some decaf tea.  And have healthy lunch.  Good idea.

1:15pm - IS NOW AFTERNOON!  WHY HAVEN'T THEY CALLED?  WHY?  WHY?

1:20pm - Surely not calling is good sign.  Probably they call with bad news first.  Whereas I am a stellar case, so they are in no hurry.  Surely.  Yes.  This must be true.

1:30pm - Oh, shit, did I leave my phone on vibrate?  Will check.  No.  Okay.  Good.

2:00pm  - Wait, did I accidentally turn my phone to vibrate when I was checking to make sure it was NOT on vibrate?  Better check.  No.  Okay.  Good.

2:01pm - Will just read blogs for a little while.  Will try to comment as much as possible.

2:05pm - Uh-oh.  This blogger had more eggs than me.  Hmmm.  Will move to another blog.

2:08pm - Oh, crap.  This blogger says she had a failed cycle with six eggs, and she didn't know it at the time, but it was a really poor cycle.  Is that true?  Oh, shit.  WHY AREN'T THEY CALLING?  Will change to another blog.

2:10pm - Oooh, pregnant-from-IVF blog!  Yay!  Love to read good news.  So happy for her.

2:10pm and 30 seconds - And also a little jealous.  But is natural reaction.  No problem.

3:00pm - Should I call my nurse?  No, would be annoying.  They will call.  They will.  They promised.  Wait is no big deal to them, because they are busy encouraging my little eggs to grow like champs.  Yes.  Do not want to bother busy egg people.  Will be fine.

3:01pm - IF SHE DOES NOT CALL IN THIS HOUR WILL CALL HER.  I SWEAR.

4:00pm - No, that would be clingy.  Will check my blog again.  Surely someone will have left personal story about wild success with five eggs?  Definitely.

4:01pm - No.  Humph.  Well, clearly Wild Success people are now Busy Moms with no time to comment on blogs, so this must be why.  Will go look at beautiful orchid again.

4:02pm - Aaack!  Orchid has six flowers!  Could be bad sign.  Perhaps should pinch one off?  Good Lord, am becoming crazy person.  Step away from the orchid.

4:10pm - Just one more check on cell phone.  Perhaps has magically chosen to put itself on vibrate?  No.  Humph.

4:11pm - I know!  Will go upstairs and start laundry.  This always makes phone ring.  And then will also actually accomplish one thing today.  Good.

4:13pm - Laundry in.  Surely phone will ring.

4:15pm - HATE my nurse right now.  Does she not understand the pain of this waiting?  Is she not thinking about me all day, wondering how I am?  What, does she have other patients?  

4:20pm  - Will start watching basketball tournament.  Will be distracting.  Oooh, look!  I forgot - five players on a team!  Whoo hoo!  We have basketball team in our petri dish!  Is good news!  Surely!

5:03pm - PHONE IS RINGING!  Oh, crap - where is phone?  Stupid cordless bastard, where ARE YOU?  WHERE...oh.  Here.

Excuse me for a moment.

5:15pm - Within span of six minutes, received three calls from fertility clinic.  First was doctor, reporting: five eggs, four fertilized, two are developing normally.  Yay!  Two!  That's all we wanted, so - good!  Was, naturally, hoping for off-chance possibility of FET cycle with frozen embabies, but two is great!  Then received two more rapid-fire calls from nurses, calling to schedule transfer.  Which will be Sunday, at 1:3opm.  (Pacific Time, in case you need to know.)

Hurrah!  Can now go back to normal life.  Will have festive glass of chardonnay to celebrate!  Perhaps will be last glass of wine for next ten months!  

If I am this nuts about fertilization report, what does it bode for the two-week-wait?  Hmmm.  Will not think about this.  Enjoying wine instead.