enough of the eight

I've never thought of myself as having a particularly addiction-prone personality (apart from my obsession with sweet, fruit-chewy candies like Dots and Swedish Fish).

And then this woman gave birth to eight babies at the same time I started my own in-vitro process. It's like the news stories about her are crack cocaine: I don't want to read them, they make me feel dirty and horrible, and yet I can't stop myself. I need a twelve-step program. Octuplet-Addicted Anonymous. Help me.

I get really angry, reading this stuff. How could any reputable doctor take advantage of a woman who is quite obviously, to me, unbalanced in her obsession with children? How could any doctor 'implant' eight embryos in a woman her age? (Why can't any reputable journalist do their research homework and understand the difference between 'transferring' and 'implanting'? WHY IS THAT SO HARD?)

What in this woman drove her need for so many children? Why is she spending a damn fair amount of her time giving interviews instead of, you know, being with the eight children she claims to want so much? What is going to happen to the first six she had when these eight come home? Who on earth could survive that first year, let alone all the rest to come?

Why do people write such hurtful, hateful comments - not only about her, but about infertility in general - on news sites and message boards? Do people really think that wanting a biological child is so selfish, so unusual? Why do people think that infertile men and women have an obligation to adopt the unwanted children of the world? Why can't they understand that the same desire they had for biological children is present in those whose bodies get in the way of fulfilling that desire?

Perhaps most importantly, why do I keep reading this stuff? Why, when all I find are comments like this one, written in response to a New York Times article:

"If nature deems that someone is infertile, they should accept it as reality."

Why would you ever, ever, consider making such a comment? Would you ever say to someone with cancer, "nature deems you to have cancer. Don't get treatment."

Why do I care about the fact that some anonymous asshole wrote that comment? Why does it feel like an arrow through my heart?

I used to bemoan the fact that infertility was such a secret affliction, that it got so little coverage - so little decent, educated coverage - in the media.

Now, I would give anything for a moratorium on any coverage about in-vitro. Please stop talking about it.

Note to self: step away from the New York Times. Walk away from Dr. Phil's "Octo-Controversy" episode. Turn off Ann Curry. JUST SAY NO.

Step one: acknowledge that you have a problem.

Done.