Tuesday, April 6, 2010

the telling

Well, we told people - not all people, but a bunch of family people - on Easter. We stood there, at my parents' house, and said most calmly that we are having a baby, and the mental health police did not come collect me for spreading lies and foisting my personal hallucinations on other people, so we may, in fact, have told the truth.

It was weird. All these years of imagining that moment, and I mostly felt panicky about it, as if sharing the news was the thing that would make everything go wrong. But I took a deep breath, and we told, and then a few hours later I threw up, and then I threw up twice again yesterday, so it looks as if nothing much has changed.

To be honest, a big part of me has relished having this as a secret. Our parents have known, and my husband's sister, and three close friends, but that was it for quite awhile. They knew because we needed people to pray for us and support us during the IVF cycle, and they served as our guinea pigs for telling people - but then six weeks went by with no telling, and now it feels as if everything is changing.

Already, I can't button my jeans (this is probably not baby. Definitely not baby, actually; more likely THE BLOAT and perhaps the eating, although I'm trying to keep that under control). Two weeks from yesterday, I have my 12 week ultrasound, and then we're on to trimester number two.

Holy shit.

We're visiting my in-laws for a few days and my mother-in-law wants to take me shopping for a maternity outfit. I am resisting the demon within me that taunts, "bad idea, girly, that's sure to make something terrible happen" - and, instead, we're going to shop. And have fun. And banish the demons to a dark corner, where they will have to pout and sulk without me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go throw up.

12 comments:

  1. Yay for telling people and letting go of the fear!

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  2. I've avoided all things maternity or baby for 20 weeks now, but I'm trying to enjoy and celebrate this pregnancy. It's just such a hard feat!!! Congrats on making it to 10 weeks!!!

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  3. Good job! I have two more weeks until I tell although I think my mother has told everyone even though I asked her not too. :O I'm glad it went well! Yes, go shop and enjoy. I have to tell myself the same kind of things!

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  4. Second trimester?!?!?! That is awesome! This is it girl, no more feeling like something is going to happen. Enjoy these months! Cherish them!
    I am beyond words happy for you!!

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  5. Good for you! Have fun shopping - you deserve it!

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  6. I've told all sorts of people, but all of them are immediate family or very close friends. I'm both excited and terrified to make it common knowledge.

    I hope you're able to find something nice shopping. I went into one maternity store and in the change room there was a fake strap on belly so you could imagine how the clothes look a couple months down the road. It freaked me right out. So no maternity clothes for me yet!

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  7. Congratulations! It's so wonderful (and nerve-wracking) to share the news. I felt like sharing would somehow doom the pregnancy. But it is so much fun to share. And enjoy the maternity shopping - it can be fun. Just try to enjoy each day as it comes.

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  8. Yay! And I totally understand -- I found telling people to be both stressful and completely surreal.

    Enjoy maternity outfit shopping -- again, something else that is so incredibly weird.

    Congrats again!

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  9. Yeah...so exciting to share that news! Good for you for focusing on the positive & giving into a little fun maternity shopping (I did the same this past weekend and it was glorious)!

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  10. Yay!!! (Not on the throwing up part but on the telling people part!) :)

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  11. Shop on girl! :) Yayyyyy for everything in this post. Even the puking. ;)

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  12. How great that you started to share your news! And awesome that you are starting to let go of some of your fears and do the publicly pregnant stuff. I hope I get there soon too!

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