Friday, March 5, 2010


I spent last weekend at a women's retreat, which I organized months ago for a group from my church. We had a great time, and I managed to hide the fact that I wasn't drinking any wine by telling people that I had given up alcohol for Lent. Handy season, Lent.

However, you get a group of 30 women together and there is bound to be a whole lot o' conversation about children, birth, conception, and gynecological topics of all sorts. Nobody knew I was pregnant, so there was no need for them to be careful, and let me tell you: I heard horror stories the likes of which I really, really did not need to hear. At all.

Much of the time, I'm experiencing a great sort of zen about the pregnancy. The nausea is increasing, though not at a terrible rate. Boobs still sore. (Poking still abounds.) I am hungry all. the. time.

But I'm not zen all the time. Sometimes, when I think about the ultrasound in a week (10 days, to be exact), my heartbeat stops for a second. I imagine the doctor saying, in a sad voice, "I'm sorry; there's no heartbeat." I imagine trying to get out of the office without sobbing. I imagine my husband's heartbreak. I don't think about this a lot, but it's the sort of thing that pops into my head at 3am when I've gotten up to pee (again) and can't quite get back to sleep.

So, I could use a favor. If you have stories of yourself or others who have experienced pregnancy loss, or some terrible complication: please, don't tell me. Please don't mention it in a comment. There was such a comment on my last post, and while I'm sure it was not meant to hurt, believe me: I don't need any help scaring the shit out of myself. I'm perfectly capable of doing that on my own. I can't comment privately to that person because their blog is private, and it's not really about one person anyway: I'm just making my own personal public service announcement.

This blog just needs to be a happy place. Feel free to think of me as an unrealistic Pollyanna, but it's what I need. Thanks.


  1. Good for you! I think it is super important to be positive during this time.

    A ladies retreat would be crazy for the amount of "story telling"! It looks like you handled it well.

    Looking forward to hearing about your u/s!

  2. i have a story for you.
    i did IVF and even though my beta was good i was scared.
    i worried and wondered and could barely breathe until my u/s.
    and there were 2 beautiful heartbeats
    and now i'm entering my second trimester
    and i'm still scared
    but excited too

    and you will be excited too
    because you will see a beautiful heartbeat,
    or maybe even 2.
    and you will keep being a little scared
    because your not used to hearing good news,
    but then you'll start to get excited
    and then you'll be a mom
    and it will be wonderful. :)

  3. Why is it that when people announce they are pregnant, the horror stories come out of the closet? Hardly seems fair or right.

    I don't have any stories to tell. Just encouragement to you to keep keeping it positive.


  4. I love that last comment! sending you postive thoughts and big, big (((hugs))) :)

  5. Then I'll tell you that I remember that long, anxious wait for the first ultrasound after that long-awaited positive pregnancy test--and, then, there it was: the heartbeat of the fetus who is now my four-year-old daughter. I also remember not really feeling symptomatic until 8 weeks or so along, so don't fret too much about your symptoms or lack thereof.

  6. Somebody else was using Lent as a no-alcohol excuse, too. Seems very convenient, and given your profession, totally believable. 10 days does seem like a long wait yet, but just think of all the cool stuff you'll see on the ultrasound by then!

  7. you ARE pregnant! hot diggety! you are! and i've no crappy stories to tell. just the story of the beautiful little girl who is 15 months old today... who was once a faint heartbeat on an unbelievable ultrasound.

  8. Sorry for the horror stories. But just remember -- despite everything you've been through to get pregnant, there's absolutely no reason why you can't or won't have a completely uneventful pregnancy.

    But tuning out the horror stories is good practice -- because everyone will be waiting to tell you about their horrible painful no good very bad childbirths in a few months. And no pregnant woman needs to hear any of those!

  9. Women are a little insane when it comes to horror stories related to pregnancy and childbrith. I'm already sick of hearing what I should and shouldn't be doing/wearing/eating/etc during my pregnancy. I'm sending TONS of positive thoughts your way!!!

  10. You're a beautiful pregnant lady that has at least one if not two little beating hearts inside your uterus. Wow - that sounds strange and beautiful!
    I would be in favor of moving the ultrasound up. We are about the same pregnant - we should start a pollyanna birth club for all us IF mamas!
    Just curious what kind of church lady you are? My partner is studying at seminary to be a minister - that's why I'm curious.
    Thinking gorgeous zen pregnant thoughts with you:)

  11. Glad you're choosing to take the Pollyanna road, positive thoughts are much better for you & baby! I was worried too about hearing a heartbeat, but we definitely heard one, you & I are on very similar schedules & all the symptoms you described are ones I'm experiencing are definitely pregnant momma:)

  12. I am a worst case scenario type thinker, so I totally feel your pain. It is oh so exciting that you're pregnant! I hope the worry and scared feelings taper off, and you get to enjoy it.

  13. I have Jem's question - if you tell people you're even thinking about pregnancy, they ALWAYS start with the horror stories! They say after the baby comes you forget the bad and just remember the good, but they sure do seem to remember the bad that'll scare the next guy!

  14. I am so with you!
    Bring on the happy!

    (I'm scared too).


  15. I am sorry about my last comment and wish I could take it back. I take comfort in the stories of others, both good and bad. I like to hear about trials and tribulations and triumphs. So I thought I was helping. I am so glad to hear that you are pregnant and will keep my comments positive from now on.