Saturday, March 19, 2011

in the mind of a four month old

There are many, many times when I wish I knew what Baby Girl was thinking.  This would help, for one thing, with the fine line between the "I need to poop" scream and the "I need to eat" wail.  I am not very good at parsing the difference.

So I watch her and think, "what's going on in there?"  She looks so interested in absolutely everything. Like lint. And sunlight. And raindrops. And her own fingers.

I wonder if it might go something like this...

Awake! mmmm...hungry.  Should probably cry.  Will try the 'indicating hunger' cry, because even if mom is woefully inadequate at understanding me, at 5am she is usually fairly okay about it. Okay, CRY.  CRY CRY CRY WHY IS NO ONE GETTING ME WHERE DID EVERYONE OOH!  MOM!  I forgot about her!  She's back!  But why is it taking five whole seconds to get the food where did she go why is she NOT GOING FASTER HURR...mmm.  Boob.

Done with boob.  Time for...OOH!  PLAYMAT!  I love this thing.  I love how the stuffed bees hang over my head and I try to reach them.  Fun. Why can't I get them in my mouth, though?  Frustrating. But, look! Rattle. Oh - smells like oatmeal.  Mom must be getting her breakfast. Time for me to indicate SUPER PISSED OFF AT THESE BEES WHY AREN'T THE...mmm.  Sophie the giraffe.  Love her. Love her more than life. She is the best. Wait..where did she go? Why did she leave? WHERE IS SHE MOM HELP HELP HE...mmm.  She's back. Relief. I love her so much, I never want to let her go.  Never, never, neve...oooh! Fingers! I have fingers! ON BOTH HANDS! This is awesome. Mmmmm...fingers.

Why are we going up the stairs again? And what is that strange sensation in my pants? I don't like it. I DON'T LIKE IT HELP HELP SOMEBODY HEL...mmm.  Dry pants. Oh! And mobile! Hanging over my head! I love mobile. I love the pretty song mobile sings.  So pretty. But, wait!  Why did mobile stop? Will it never sing again? NO! MOBILE! I LOVE YOU! WHY ARE YOU NOT SING....oooh. Mom wound it up again. Thanks, Mom.

Why are we back in this dark room? Interesting. I remember this room. Oh, wait: I know what happens in here. Sleep. I like sleep. I like...oh, no. Wait. I forgot. I like nighttime sleep, but this is light outside and I HATE SLEEP WHEN IT IS DAYTIME I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT MAKE IT STOP MAK....mmmm. Thumb.  Sleep.

Repeat ad infinitum, with the addition of a few new verses, such as:
  • where did dad go? How is his voice on this small black appliance but I can't see him? Strange.
  • how did I wake up at the grocery store?
  • what will happen if I just scream for no reason at all? Oh. Sometimes mom cries too. That weirds me out.
  • mmm...more boob.
 It was much easier to learn German, that's all I know.


  1. Laughed all the way through this...

  2. This was brilliant! Pulitzer is all I'm sayin...

  3. I think our babies have a lot on common. So cute!

  4. Hilarious and probably super accurate!

  5. Oh my, I am in tears from laughing so hard. Thank you for a good laugh.

    I am convinced my little girls thinks the same things, especially the boob stuff. Especially the "why is this not going faster..mmmm...boob" Those are her exact thoughts, I'm sure.

    So very great, that post.

  6. Ha!! Love it.

    I always wonder what it must be like for babies (or our cats) to just be hanging out when all of a sudden a big person swoops in and moves you to a totally different spot, and you have no real say in the matter. How strange to know that where you are could change at any moment, for no reason that you can discern.

  7. I am way behind here, but I am laughing my ass off at this!