oh dear friend, i'm so sorry. another freaking advent and this one all the harder. i was wondering the other day what your due date had been. now i know. i will be thinking of you all month.
I know exactly what you are going through. I found out I was over 2 months pregnant by accident (my periods were not on the normal side) after over a year of trying and me being diagnosed with PCOS.
I went into the doctors office where they confirmed it with blood work and I made my first OB appointment. Literally a week later I was being rushed into emergency surgery because of severe pain that we later found out was caused by an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my tube which they could not save.
That happened in March. My due date was November 7th.
That day sucked, honestly it was awful. Because instead of coming home with a baby ... I have a drawer of my 1st positive HPT, notes of congrats from family members, and a bunch of grievance cards. Oh ... and I also have 3 scars to show from it.
Since then I have been told my husband and I have a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant on our own. And even better? I have over a 20% chance of having another ectopic pregnancy.
With as crappy as all of this is, I do believe that MY BABY is out there somewhere waiting for me. I have to believe it. Other wise, what is all this for? Why would God put it on my heart so badly that I desire nothing but to be a Mom?
Anyway, I know how you feel ... and I am so sorry that you are going through this, especially during the holidays.
Maybe next year will be our year. Best of luck and love.
I also found you from LFCA...I've lived through similar horribly painful anniversaries. You never forget how much joy you can feel at that BFP and how painful is the loss. But, you will be pregnant again...stay strong, and don't forget your little angel.
So sorry for both feelings. Thinking of you...(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. This is just one of those really tough things to go through. Hope it gets easier soon...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss and for the weird and conflicting feelings it brings. Treat yourself good and mourn your due date in peace.
ReplyDeleteoh dear friend, i'm so sorry. another freaking advent and this one all the harder. i was wondering the other day what your due date had been. now i know. i will be thinking of you all month.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you... from lfca
ReplyDelete((HUG)) I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are going through. I found out I was over 2 months pregnant by accident (my periods were not on the normal side) after over a year of trying and me being diagnosed with PCOS.
ReplyDeleteI went into the doctors office where they confirmed it with blood work and I made my first OB appointment. Literally a week later I was being rushed into emergency surgery because of severe pain that we later found out was caused by an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my tube which they could not save.
That happened in March. My due date was November 7th.
That day sucked, honestly it was awful. Because instead of coming home with a baby ... I have a drawer of my 1st positive HPT, notes of congrats from family members, and a bunch of grievance cards. Oh ... and I also have 3 scars to show from it.
Since then I have been told my husband and I have a 1-3% chance of getting pregnant on our own. And even better? I have over a 20% chance of having another ectopic pregnancy.
With as crappy as all of this is, I do believe that MY BABY is out there somewhere waiting for me. I have to believe it. Other wise, what is all this for? Why would God put it on my heart so badly that I desire nothing but to be a Mom?
Anyway, I know how you feel ... and I am so sorry that you are going through this, especially during the holidays.
Maybe next year will be our year. Best of luck and love.
-- Susan
Here from LFCA. Thinking of you during this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI also found you from LFCA...I've lived through similar horribly painful anniversaries. You never forget how much joy you can feel at that BFP and how painful is the loss. But, you will be pregnant again...stay strong, and don't forget your little angel.
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA to send warm thoughts to you. Thinking of you and your angel baby:)
ReplyDeleteRight there with you...one due date just passed and another is on it's way. Sending big cyber *hugs* your way.
ReplyDelete