while I read this book
because if I do,
I will hear the words in all their fullness.
Words like
infertility
reproductive loss
grief
death
hope deferred
broken future.
If I listen to these words
without the numbing action movie soundtrack running,
without the hero crashing through walls,
without bombs exploding
and That Evil One looking sinister
while the rain falls and the airplane roars,
then the woman screaming
will not be the damsel in distress on the screen.
It will be me, in my easy chair,
reading this too-hard book
about someone else's terrible, heart-rending loss
which turned out to be my own.
Sometimes the soundtrack of your own life
is too hard to hear
so I will let this movie play instead
and maybe if it does,
my heart will not shatter into a million pieces
like the concrete wall bursting under the weight of James Bond's truck
and go floating into the world,
pieces of me I am afraid
will never return.
hey you- wow. powerful.
ReplyDeleteand if this is the book i sent you, i'm sorry.
((((you))))
nope, totally different book - but both have been wonderfully powerful while being hard. so, so glad for both.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful description. You have a true talent to describe your feelings poetically. I relate especially to "hope deferred".
ReplyDeleteI know your time is coming, but the waiting is the most painful time. Thinking of you, sending hugs up 405N.
Carrie
These thoughts can be so much to handle sometimes; you have captured it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteIf only Q had a cure for infertility among all of his spy gadgets.
I hear you -- there have been many times where I've needed lots of "noise" in my brain to keep me from delving too deep into a bad place. You're exactly right -- sometimes the soundtrack of our own lives kind of sucks.
ReplyDeleteI've had that experience with a few books myself. Beautifully stated. What book?
ReplyDeleteWow, that was very powerful. Food for thought.
ReplyDeletewow. no words. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such wonderful words. Well said.
ReplyDelete