Tuesday, December 20, 2011

second time around

It's odd to be doing everything now for the second time, with her.  It's her second Christmas.  (What?)  I realized this when we went to take the Santa photo.  Last year's was an adorable shot of her sleeping on Santa's chest (I keep mistyping, "Satan," which is a whole other image and probably less adorable) .  This year, she had a look of Extreme Concern, much as if she anticipating being left with this bizarrely-dressed bearded guy and was none too excited about it.  No crying, though.

A friend of mine had a baby just after my girl's first birthday.  She, too, did IVF after a long time of trying and several losses.  All during her pregnancy, she referred to our girl as her "crystal ball baby," saying that she loved looking at her photos and thinking about what would be her life in one year.  Today, she posted their girl's first Christmas photo, which looked almost identical to the one we had from last year, and it made me weepy-nostalgic about How It Used to Be.  Now her girl is our "remember that?" baby.

It's this phase of early-toddlerhood, when the infancy days seem far away, that makes you want to have another baby. (Or, makes me want another one.)  (In theory.)  So far no luck in the "trying naturally" department, which is not unexpected.  So 2012 may bring a frozen cycle with our one totsicle; we'll see.

All yesterday she was in this mommy-only-clingy-whiny stage, which is the sort of thing that not only makes you NOT want to have another baby, it also makes you want to hand off the one you have.  She pinches me while she nurses, and although this makes me sound like a wimp: it hurts.  Especially when her fingernails are a bit on the long side.  I am so resistant to giving up nursing, for a number of reasons, but chief among them is my deep fear that I will never get to do this again, and once I let go of breastfeeding, it's over.  Forever.  (Given how hard breastfeeding was at the beginning, I can hardly believe I feel that way.)  But I'll be on an international trip for a week in May, and I've decided we will wean before then.  I hate for her to adjust to a week without Mom at the same time as a week without Mama Milks. 

She still insists on waking up between 5:30 and 5:45am.  Gaaaaaaaaah.  This is my least favorite time of day.  Naps are getting better, but the early wake-ups continue.  My husband thinks I should stop the morning nursing.  Any thoughts on whether that might help her sleep later?  At this point I'd probably go for it.  Just nursing before bedtime would be okay with me.

And molars? Suck donkey balls.  I need to work on my empathy skills.  Some days I just want to tell her to "get over it."  But this is not going to work.  And it's mean.  That's not good.

She is completely obsessed with a mole I have on the left side of my neck.  She fondles it while sucking her thumb, while nursing, anytime she wants comfort; she'll push my head to the side and find it (and pinch it, aaaaaaargh) and sigh with relief.  The other day I asked her what it was, and she said, "mo." 

Awesome first word, kid.


  1. We had trouble with our kids waking up too early. I don't recall everything we did to help with it, but one thing we did was to not give them a bottle right away when they woke up. I still gave them a bottle after about 30-45 minutes, I just didn't want them to associate waking up with eating immediately. Eventually we dropped the morning bottle altogether. I seem to remember sitting in the dark in their rooms holding them until a certain time - first 6am, then 6:15 etc. to get them used to the idea of just staying in there. I'm sure a few times we made them stay in their cribs while they complained, too. And we pushed their bedtimes back a bit. Now they go to bed at 8 and sleep in until at least 7. Occasionally one wakes up around 6:45, but they can't get out of bed until 7, and so far it's going great (KNOCK ON WOOD!).

  2. Oh yeah, also, it's very very weird for me that it's our second Christmas, too. How did THAT happen?! Probably it is weirder since we were in Italy last year.

    AND I totally get you with the wanting another baby and feeling like everything might be the last time we ever get to do it, since likely we won't be having more kids. It's sort of bittersweet. I hope that you do get your baby #2 in 2012!

  3. Totally get the not wanting to stop breastfeeding because it might be the last time ever and forever. I felt like that with #2 (#1 never nursed--she was my pump and bottle fiend).

    And, hate to say it, but #2 was an early riser and breastfeeder. When I stopped that morning feeding, she started sleeping later. Pushing back bedtime has not worked for us at all with either one--they just wake up at the same time with consequent sleep-deprived grumpiness. A lose-lose all around.

    #2 also did the pinching, usually of my other boob. I would resort to holding her hand, but then I didn't have a free hand to surf the internet (wah, wah, poor me).

    Blessings to you on the second Christmas...

  4. Also, fwiw, I pumped 15 months for #1 and nursed 15 months for #2. Must be my limit.

  5. Your daughter may very well just be an early riser, regardless of what you do. My daughter, about the same age as yours, is also an early riser. We stopped nursing at 4 months. She gets a bottle in the morning, but not first thing and that never seems to be the reason WHY she is waking up.

    Her normal time is also right around 5:30, which is okay for us on weekdays since we get up for work then anyway. But sometimes it is even earlier. SIGH.

    She has a twin bed in her room, and I tried sleeping in there for about a week to see if my presence helped. Nope- at least not so much. If she woke up earlier than 5:30, I could just say shoosh and she would go back to sleep, but after 5:30, nope.

    So anyhow, we've just settled into life with an early riser. We take turns and that's just how we roll.

  6. My daughter also pinches and scratches me while she nurses. I've tried putting a sock on her hand, but that either pissed her off or distracted her. Ugh, oh well. I too love nursing and will hate to see it end, regardless of the abuse my daughter dishes out.

  7. Your comment about the mole made me laugh. I have a mole on my cheek and my daughter doesn't pinch it, but likes to press it and point to it. Real nice to be pointed out. ANyway, glad you sound great and are happy and well. xxoo